im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
