yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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