oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
