Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
