i don't like sucking hair
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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