If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
