It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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