i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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