i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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