So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
