Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
