Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
