It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
