some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
