If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
