You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
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