Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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