She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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