what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
