I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
