Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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