dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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