He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
