walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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