i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
