and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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