The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
