He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
