your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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