i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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