you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
