In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
