i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
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