you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Those nachos came to me in a dream
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
