she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
