i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
