first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
