he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
