I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Randomize
