It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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