i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
