i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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