Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You did what with his pubic hair?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
