Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
