I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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