shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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