So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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