We're facebook friends in real life
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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