yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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