U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
