i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
