The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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